My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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