Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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