and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
