Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
