I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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