Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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