You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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