put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
