Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
