Whod you bang
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
