I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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