So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize