Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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