i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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