Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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