I got chris browned last night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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