I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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