you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize