Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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