I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize