I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
