we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
