He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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