so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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