Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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