Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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