if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
