You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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