He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
