I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
