i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
