She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
