i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
