***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
