So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
