whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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