Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Still dying that you shit outside
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
