Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
