Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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