She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
