Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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