White coat. Heels.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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