he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
