You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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