In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
