so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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