Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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