I am puke
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
