I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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