I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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