I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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