If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
