dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
