It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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