I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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