pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
