just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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