You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
