I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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