its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
