yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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