i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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