he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
