Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
