when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
