i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
