im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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