i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
