this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize