Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
