So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
