ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I believe in your delicious
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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