I skipped work to stalk him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
