well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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