Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize