When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize