First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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