my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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