Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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