My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
