i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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