OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
