Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
