Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who died my cat blue again?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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