We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sex in a hospital.. check
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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