I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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