I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
