just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
