Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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