Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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