just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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