i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
