after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
